Carli lay in bed. It was 3 a.m. She had come home from her date with Jason over four hours ago, but she couldn't sleep. She touched her lips. He had kissed her again at the end of the night. The first kiss he gave her was a little friendly one. The contact did shock her a little, especially since it felt awkward after she told him the truth about her lack of experience. The last kiss however was the one that branded her. Even now it was as if she could still feel his fervent lips on hers.
They were having a wonderful time. She ordered the curry shrimp with rice and peas and he took the peppered steak, mashed potatoes with steamed broccoli and carrots. For beverages Carli ordered Ting, a grapefruit flavored beverage and asked for a glass filled with ice. Jason ordered a chilled bottle of melon flavored Red Stripe beer for himself.
They laughed and talked about their childhood. Carli told Jason she was an only child who was somewhat sheltered. Jason told her more about his family but left off the fact that he and his dad only spoke when necessary. He did reveal however, that the family dynamic was not the best, but he and his mom and siblings were trying to do the best with the situation.
When it was time for dessert she ordered a black forest cake, but Jason felt more for a slice of fluffy lemon cake.
Carli watched as he ate his pastry almost in a reflective mood. He was chewing each morsel he broke off with his fork carefully.
"You don't like chocolate?" Carli asked him.
His expression guarded, Jason replied, "Yes I do. Right now though, I'm saving my sweet tooth for a special kind of chocolate."
Jason looked at her intensely, his eyes signalling his intention.
Carli nervously averted her gaze from his. She picked up a small piece of cake with her fork and daintily put it in her mouth.
After chewing then swallowing, she asked, "Oh? What kind of chocolate is that?"
"I'll let you know when the time comes." His eyes narrowed as he looked at her.
Carli cleared her throat and looked away.
She cleared her throat again and shifted awkwardly in her chair. Wanting to address what had happened in his room earlier that night, she said, "I'm sorry for, you know, leading you on. I mean...," she stammered. Carli wanted to disappear, to run away from this situation. I must sound like an idiot to him. She thought. "I mean to say I like you a lot, but maybe I wasn't clear about ... you know the ..."
"Have you ever been kissed before?" Jason interrupted her. His gaze holding her eyes, commanding that she look at him.
Carli blushed and looked away from him.
"Carli, look at me." His voice softened.
She felt her eyes watering. She blinked to push the tears back as she looked at him
Jason observed that she was blinking her eyes and wondered what was happening to her. When he noticed that her eyes looked slightly red and watery, he knew she was fighting herself not to cry.
He reached out across the table and touched her hand.
"Carli?"
Carli didn't want to cry but the soft, tender tone of his voice was sending her over the edge. She blinked again and a tear slid down her face.
Upon seeing this Jason released her hand momentarily. He stood up and moved his chair beside hers and sat down again to hold onto both hands.
"Carli, look at me."
She looked up at him.
Jason smiled. He reached up his right hand and used his thumb to brush against her cheek to dry the tear that fell.
"You don't have to be shy or afraid with me. You can trust me. You can tell me what's on your mind. Your deepest, darkest secrets," he paused, "... if you have any." His voice sounded sincere to Carli. She wanted to believe him.
Carli smiled slightly. Jason smiled back.
"If you don't want to answer that question, that's okay." Jason said, not wanting to appear pushy.
Carli sighed. "No. I think I should. Yes, I have been kissed before, but it led to a whole lot of drama."
His hand still caressed her now dry face.
"Okay." Jason waited patiently for her to start.
Carli told him about her friend Matthew and the plan they had to teach her how to kiss. About how he had kissed her in a way no one had ever kissed her before, but it left her confused because she and him were best friends. There wasn't supposed to be any chemistry between them.
"Do you have feelings for him?" Jason felt a twinge of jealousy.
"I'm a little confused about that, but I do know that I don't want my relationship with him to go beyond us being friends. I honestly didn't know he saw something with me beyond a friendship. He's dating my best friend now. So if there were to be anything, it couldn't go anywhere. She'll be having his baby soon."
Jason nodded. "I see, but if he were still free and he wanted to have a relationship with you. Would you?"
Jason felt his heart pounding. He was nervous. This guy he had never met was competing for his dream girl's affection. He wanted to win her for himself, but not at the expense of his own dignity. If he had a chance with her, he was willing to fight for her, but only if her heart and mind were free to give him that chance.
Carli looked at him. There was concern on his face. Instinctively, she knew that he was waiting for her to tell him she was sure about what she wanted. Thinking about everything for the first time objectively, she was sure.
Matthew's kiss had ignited a passion between them that she never knew existed, but it was tumultuous and could be detrimental to a solid friendship that had lasted almost ten years. She had known Matthew since grade eight in high school.
With Jason, the embers of desire were different. They were warm and satisfying, a slow burn that scintillated the senses and intrigued her. He also made her feel safe; that her feelings were important to him. She no longer knew what she would get when dealing with Matthew. But with Jason, even though she didn't know him well yet, there was something about him that felt right. She wanted Matthew and her to remain friends, nothing more. She wanted to see where things would lead with Jason. She will choose him.
Carli took a deep breath.
"I know that I can seem indecisive at times, but I've never been in a situation like this before." She smiled shyly.
Time to be a big girl now Carli. Tell him how you feel. She thought.
She took a deep breath. "The kiss I shared with Matthew broadsided me. I never expected the chemistry I felt between he and I, it left me off-kilter, but he is my friend, just my friend, and I wish for nothing more."
Carli reached up and touched Jason's face. She felt the light stubble of hair that was growing on his jaw.
"Jason, I really like you and want to get to know you better, as a friend ... and more if you'd like. I would like us to be more than friends."
Jason was relieved. He felt the dark cloud of doubt lifting off him. He sat forward in the chair and focused his eyes on hers.
"I want to be more with you Carli, much more than your friend." He kissed her on the forehead.
When the bill came Jason paid. She had protested a little, reminding him that she was the one who thought of this date, but she acquiesced after he touched her face again.
"I am happy to do this for you, and for me. You did pay the taxi fare. This is no problem."
She said, "Okay."
As they walked out of the restaurant to the nearest bus stop, he held her close to him. Ever so often he would look down at her and she looked up at him. They had chartered a local taxi.
"Thank you for telling me how you feel," Jason said, his eyes taking all of her in. As they stood together, the arm he had wrapped around her waist now gently stroked her back while they waited for their ride to come.
Carli smiled at him. "Thank you for being patient with me," she said.
Jason turned to face her and gently used his arm to turn her body towards him.
He cupped her face with both hands. "I'm going to kiss you," he said, his eyes seeking permission.
She nodded.
Leaning down, Jason pulled her to him, he put his arms around her, pressing her body to his. Slanting his head slightly to the left, he bent forward and softly brushed his lips against hers. The feathery kisses made Carli swoon. He lifted his head to see her expression. She looked up at him, her eyes pleading with him to continue. She reached out her hands to him and shyly placed them on his chest. She nodded, licking her lips.
Bending his head again, Jason opened his mouth slightly and captured her lips with his. He kissed her, allowing her to experience just a fraction of the pent up passion he was holding back from her. His lips and tongue were doing a dance with hers that made them both want more.
His embrace tightened around her when he heard a soft moan escape her lips. Shifting his body, he turned her away from the view of oncoming traffic, shielding her. He pulled her into the shadows behind the bus stop. His back was still towards the road as he indulged his senses in her smell and soft, full curves.
He breathed her in. "You are so beautiful," he said.
Hungry hands roamed up and down her torso, stroking her back, brushing on and caressing the sides of her bosom. Her breasts felt soft but firm, he couldn't get full access because of her bra, but he could tell. Jason teased her with his mouth, suckling on her lips and nibbling them gently. They were so soft to him. If he could get more of her, the things he would do to show her what she was doing to him, how crazy she made him feel. He felt his breathing become rushed and shallow, and knew he would soon go past the point of decent behavior. Carli clung to him, not caring who saw what was happening between them. She had never known anyone who could make her feel like this.
Using all the mental strength he could muster, he separated himself from her by a few inches and looked into her eyes. His hands holding her away from him, he said, "We have to stop." His deep voice was raspy, breathy. Carli had difficulty breathing as well. She nodded reluctantly.
Jason retrieved his phone from his pocket and looked at the time. Composing himself, he called the taxi company's dispatch unit. They told him that their designated driver should be there within the next five minutes.
Jason hung up the phone and drew Carli to him. Their bodies now close to the bus stop and facing the road, he stood behind her, locking her in his embrace.
He whispered in her ear, "One of these days I won't be able to stop myself. I want all of you Carli. Do you think you will be okay with that?"
His words gave her a thrill of delight. Carli replied, her body responding on its own, "If you'll be gentle with me. Yes, it will be okay with me."
Jason noted that Carli's voice had changed from a girly, carefree tone to something mellow and sensuous. He hoped he would hear more of that sexy voice in the future.
He bent forward and gently planted a kiss on the side of her head. He spoke softly, "I will always be gentle, until you want more."
A shock of pleasure ran through her. She understood what he was saying. She leaned into him, basking in the solid strength she felt behind her. Jason protectively circled his arms around her. He enjoyed feeling her soft curves pressed against him. It wasn't nearly enough but he was willing to wait.
When the taxi came both Jason and Carli slipped inside. Jason put his arm around her. Carli rested her head on his chest and felt his strong heart beat. She was tingly all over, her senses heightened. This was nothing like she'd ever felt before.
The taxi dropped her off first. Before she exited the vehicle, Jason placed a soft kiss on her brow and said, "I'll call you tomorrow."
She nodded and stepped out of the car. Jason closed the door for her. She stood on the side walk and watched as the car drove off with Jason in it.
Now, as she lay in bed, she wished she was not the only one in it, and that the night would have continued the way she knew they both wanted.
*****
Jason opened his eyes to a dark room. It was not yet daybreak but he was awake. He reached for his phone that was perched at the edge of his bed and pressed the power button to see the time. It was 5:45 a.m. He stretched and yawned loudly. He needed to see her today. He had to talk to her.
As the memory of what happened with Carli the night before came rushing in, he grimaced. He went too far with her last night. Could he blame it on the alcohol? He had two beers but he was always a good judge of when he was getting tipsy. No, that was not it. There was something about her that made him want to go over the edge, but where they were was not the appropriate space. He would have to apologise to her. He wasn't sorry he kissed her or touched her the way he did. He was sorry that it was in public, that he regretted. Fortunately, no one had passed by on foot and there was very little traffic on the road at that time of night, but he could admit what they did was very risky.
He sat up and stretched again. Time to do his morning routine of 200 push-ups and 100 sit-ups. It was the off season for track and field at the University, so he had more time for himself, as an athlete however he still needed to keep himself in shape.
After doing his reps, he went into the bathroom to relieve himself and take a shower. He stood under the shower-head and allowed the water to beat down on his body. He had to do a few errands today but he wanted to see her. Maybe 'needed' was the word. It was as if he was a moth to her flame. Retrieving his shampoo from the bathroom rack he washed his hair, then started soaping his body. He wondered what she was doing now. If she was still asleep or if she was awake thinking about him.
After about ten minutes he was out of the bathroom and getting dressed. It was Sunday and he promised his father figure, his spiritual mentor, Mr Blake that he would attend church today. He retrieved his Bible from one of the wardrobe drawers. It was in a black leather case. It was a gift Mr Blake had given him after his baptism.
Sitting on the bed, Jason decided he would call Omar. Omar was one of his good friends from primary school days who also attended the same high school with him. Omar had no interest in going to college and instead opted to work in his dad's construction business. He was the one who recommended Jason to Carli's aunt and for that he was grateful.
This time though Jason wanted to borrow Omie's car. Sundays were Jason's days off. He refused to work on Sundays and so wasn't supposed to be at Carli's aunt's house, but he was going to pick her up. He wanted to spend the day with her. He needed the car to go for her and bring her back to her aunt's house comfortably.
He picked up the phone and dialed Omie's mobile phone number.
"Bredda! Bredda!" Omie greeted Jason as he answered his call.
"Wow!" Jason replied.
"Suh wah gwaan?" Omar Swaby asked.
"Deh yah bro. About to head off to the sanctuary yah now."
"Eeh? Safe travels," Omar said.
"Suh Omie, a one favor mi ask?"
"Hmm... Wah dat now?"
"Wanna borrow your car."
"Oh zeen. When yuh want it? Yah come pick it up todeh or wah?"
"Todeh man. Todeh mi a come fi it."
"Oh zeen. Arite, yuh have a hot date or sumn?" Omar chuckled.
Jason smiled at his friend's query. "You could say that," he said.
"Wid who? Di brown skin girl mi si yah carry guh yuh yaad?"
Jason laughed a little. "Yes, her."
"Wahh! Suh how it ah guh wid yuh celibacy ting dawg? Yuh nuh seh yuh nah deal wid nuh more woman fi now?" Omar's voice sounded amused on the other end of the line.
"Bredda," Jason started, "Mi nearly bruk mi vow yesterday!"
"Eeh? Lie yah tell man. Man like you strong inna unnu ting man."
Omar heard deafening silence as a reply and realized that Jason had not supported his claim.
"Jason?"
Jason sighed. "Yeh bredda mi almost ..."
Omie interrupted, "Wid dah gurl deh?"
"Mhmm." Jason said.
"How long now yuh nuh duh nuttn?"
"Awhile." It was almost a year when he broke off relations with his ex and was seeking to walk a more righteous path.
"A dats why man. Chu yuh miss the guds man. Dah girl deh look good still. Hey, when las' yuh si Trudy?"
"About six months ago," Jason said. "She came to my house to give my little sis a birthday gift. I told her that was good of her but not to come by again."
He had broken it off with her because he wanted to do the right thing and wait for marriage. He thought she would understand because she too had professed faith in God and was attending a church like him, but she wasn't having it. She cheated on him with someone else as a way to force him to keep sleeping with her. She said, "If you don't want to be with me, someone else will." Unfortunately for her, it didn't make him jealous. It made him even more resolved to let her go.
She was very angry with him when he broke up with her.
"Suh dis new girl now, wah guh happen when she want a piece or yuh plan fi bruk yuh vow? Bredda mi respect yuh fi weh yuh believe still but when yuh first did a guh inna it mi neva tell yuh seh a one hard road yah tek? Mi neva tell yuh?"
Jason listened to his friend.
"Jason me and you are bros for a long time, from primary school days. From bulla and milk days," Omar mused
Jason chuckled. "Yeah true."
Omar continued: "Look I can't tell you what to do with your life. Mi will always support you in what you do, but if yah guh deal wid woman dem a guh want dem sex bredda. Yow, yuh sure yuh nah duh nothing and a gwan like seh yuh nah beat up a thing?" Omar snickered.
"I would swear to you that I'm not, but that's against my religion. So no I have not been doing anything."
"Well, mi nah tell nuh lie dah girl weh mi see yuh wid she looks really good. Nice and round around di back." Omar laughed.
"Heyyy!", Jason said his voice giving Omar a warning.
Omar stopped laughing. Jason heard his friend suddenly become serious. "Arite bredda, mi nah trouble you and yuh girl. Suh wah 'bout she now? How come she have yuh suh weak?"
Jason stared at the floor. "She's special Omie. That's all I gotta say."
Changing the subject Jason said, "I will come for the car bout 3:30 later. Y'ere?
Omie paused then said, "Okay. Later then." He hung up.
Next Jason called Carli. It was 7 a.m. now. Maybe she would be awake. He dialled her number and was pleasantly surprised to hear her voice after the second ring.
"Hello," she said.
'Hello beautiful," he said softly.
Jason realised that his tone changed automatically when talking to her. She was doing something to him he couldn't quite fathom.
"I was just thinking about you," she said. Her voice was low and seductive. He wished he could see her now.
"What are you wearing?", he asked against his better judgement.
He heard Carli giggle.
"What I'm wearing?" Her voice was playful.
"Mhmm ... tell me." His deep voice dropped to a low, hypnotic timbre.
"Well, I just got out of the shower. I was getting dressed, so I'm in my bra and panties only, just those."
Jason lay back on the bed. He could feel his body responding to her. His yearning for her was growing each day. He closed his eyes, trying to imagine how sexy she must look.
"I wish you were here," he said, "... like that with me. I bet you look very sexy."
He heard her chuckle seductively.
"What about you? What are you wearing?", she asked him.
Jason opened his eyes and smiled at the phone. She was a quick learner.
"Me?"
"Mhmm."
"I have on a pair of jeans, but no shirt yet. I'm naked up top."
"Mhmm," she said. "Sounds good. Wish I could see you too." Her tone was dark and sensuous.
"I enjoyed kissing you yesterday, but I wish we could have been somewhere more private," Jason said. It felt like his body was on fire.
Carli sighed. "Me too. I couldn't sleep last night. I fell asleep around 4. I had to heat up some milk to help me."
"I wish you hadn't stopped," she said. There was a longing in her voice that Jason wanted to satisfy.
Jason sighed too. "I didn't want to, but we were outside. I'm really sorry I put you in that position. I should have exercised more control."
"Yeah. I know. It's okay. Thanks for thinking about me. You blocked me from the traffic."
Oh, so she noticed what I did. He thought to himself. That made him feel good.
"So why couldn't you sleep?", he asked concerned.
"I was thinking about you. The way you touched me, the way you kissed me. Then I kept thinking about what else we could have done." Her voice was airy and sensual. He noticed that her breathing was shallow.
"What are you doing?" Jason's interest peaked.
"I'm looking at myself in the mirror and imagining you touching me."
Jason felt a certain body part harden with desire.
"Are you touching yourself?", he asked.
"A little."
Jason closed his eyes again.
"Tell me where?" He bit his lip.
"My breasts. My thighs."
"Lay back on the bed for me," he said.
There was a pause.
"Okay."
"Close your eyes and imagine me there in the room with you." Jason reached down and touched himself.
"Take your hands and touch your breasts for me."
"Hmmm ... Jason I need you, please."
"Yes baby I know. I need you too. Touch yourself down there for me."
"It aches. It feels like ... achy," she said.
He knew what she meant.
"It wants me to fill it up. Do you want me fill it up for you?" He licked his lips as he thought of her touching herself.
She sighed. "Yes please."
They got caught up in their desire for each other. He told her she was beautiful and what he would do if she was with him.
She told him she wanted him to the point where she couldn't breathe.
After that vulnerable moment had passed between them Jason lay on his bed quietly. He was satiated but knew that things had escalated between them. He didn't want it to go this far so quickly, now he needed to know how she was feeling.
"You okay, baby?" His voice was hoarse.
"Yes," she answered. Her tone was soft to his ears.
"Did you... you know?" he asked her.
"Yes. My first time doing this," she giggled.
"Did you ... you know?", she asked.
"Yeah. I did." He blew her a kiss through the phone. "You drive me crazy."
She giggled softly.
"How did you know I was ... you know, doing the same thing you were doing?" Jason asked curious. He wished he could see her face.
"Touching yourself?", she teased.
Jason laughed softly. "Yes."
"I could hear it in your voice. The way you sounded."
"Okay baby," he said smiling.
****
Jason stepped in to the church service about fifteen minutes late. He saw his mentor at the back of the church, third row from the back door. He went over and sat beside him.
After he chatted with Carli for a couple more minutes, he went into the shower and freshened up quickly. He changed his pants, put on the shirt he had picked out earlier and rushed out the door. He was in a dilemma. He desperately needed to talk to his mentor.
Now Blake was smiling at him, he nodded and Jason nodded back. Patrick Blake returned his attention to listening to the pastor preaching on the podium.
After service, while the congregants of the church were filing out through the doors to go back home, Jason approached his uncle Pat. Jason had called him after he spoke to Carli and told him that he needed to talk to him about something important.
Blake lifted his hand and pressed the alarm button on the car key fob to disarm it. "Come with me," uncle Pat said to Jason.
Uncle Pat sat in the car with Jason. The windows were rolled up and the air conditioning was turned on. They were still in the parking lot of the church. Patrick told the church elders that he would lock up on their behalf and drop off the keys at the caretaker's quarters next door. They agreed and left him and Jason on the compound. Now as Patrick and Jason sat in the vehicle, there was no one else on the church property.
Uncle Pat turned to Jason and asked, 'So what's up?"
Jason sighed heavily. "You're not gonna like what I'm about to say."
"Spill it," uncle Pat said concerned.
"I've met someone," Jason said.
Uncle Pat partially turned towards him. "Really?", he asked his interest peaked.
Jason nodded. "Yes."
Patrick watched his young charge carefully. Something was wrong.
"So what's happening?"
Jason looked out his passenger side window.
"She's pushing all my buttons."
"What do you mean? What's her name?"
Jason closed his eyes momentarily and opened them again to say, "This girl, her name is Carli. I have never felt this way about any other woman. I almost broke my vow because of her."
Patrick's eyebrows drew close together in surprise.
"You thinking of breaking it because of her?" Patrick asked, looking at Jason with concern.
Jason remained silent. He didn't look at Patrick.
"I see," uncle Pat said. He stepped out of the car and motioned for Jason to come around to the driver's side.
"Drive it out and park it on the curb. I'm gonna lock up the church," he said.
Jason nodded. He put the car in 'drive' and carefully moved it out of the church's compound, and parked the car nearby, the engine still running, while he waited for his mentor to return.
It was uncle Pat who taught him how to drive at the age of sixteen. Jason was looking for odd jobs here and there, he had a big fight with his dad and Bello refused to take him on his painting jobs.
One day he was passing by the church with a group of friends and he saw uncle Pat installing a new door on the church building. Jason offered to help, to which uncle Pat agreed. After helping him with the door Jason told him he would do any odd job the church had for a cheap price.
Patrick saw that the young lad had potential and took him under his wing. He would later lead him to the Lord a few months after he got him to attend church services regularly. It was almost a year now since Jason had made that decision.
Uncle Pat was like his rock when things weren't going right, and his conscience when he didn't know what to do.
Jason watched as uncle Pat walked back to the car and slid in. "Drive," he said.
Jason moved the vehicle off the curb slowly. He looked at his mentor. "Where are we going?", he asked.
"My house," uncle Pat said.
After a thirty minute drive they were finally parked in front of uncle Pat's house. Jason switched off the engine, pulled the key out and handed it to his mentor.
Uncle Pat stepped out of the vehicle.
"Come inside," he said.
Jason exited the vehicle, slammed the car door shut and watched as uncle Pat locked the car and armed it. Patrick pulled the lock on the veranda grill of his house and went inside. Jason followed him.
Patrick entered the living room. "Have a seat." He went into the kitchen.
Jason sat down on an old grey couch and waited.
Uncle Pat returned with a glass of lemonade for himself and Jason. He handed Jason his glass and sat in an arm chair facing the couch Jason was sitting on. After taking a few sips of his drink, he placed the glass on a coaster that was idle on the coffee table.
He looked at Jason who was avoiding eye contact with him.
"Has something happened between you two?"
Jason nearly choked on the lemonade he was drinking. He managed to stop his gag reflex and swallow properly. He placed his glass on an unoccupied coaster that was on the table as well.
"Jason. Talk to me son." Uncle Pat was looking worried now.
"We had phone sex." Jason looked at the floor.
"Mhm. When?"
"Today."
"Look at me."
Jason looked up but his eyes were guarded.
Uncle Pat leaned forward in his chair.
"Do you love her?"
Jason thought about what he asked. He hadn't thought about the word 'love'. He knew he had sincere feelings for Carli, and he would never dream of hurting her, but he wasn't sure if he could call it love yet.
"I care about her a lot. Not sure if it's reached the stage of love yet, but it could easily. I really like her."
Uncle Pat nodded. "Tell me about her?", he said.
Jason leaned his head back on the couch and closed his eyes.
"She's beautiful, not just physically. She's a really nice girl. She makes me laugh. She's also really smart. She makes me feel safe about sharing my feelings with her."
"Okay," uncle Pat said.
He took another sip of his lemonade. "Is she a Christian?", he asked.
Jason opened his eyes and looked at his mentor. "Does it matter?", he asked.
"Yes. It does son."
Patrick placed his glass back on the coaster. He clasped his hands together.
"When I met my wife. May she rest in peace. She was a believer, I was not. I made her do things she later told me she regretted. I was a slick young man back then, a ladies' man if you will. When I saw her for the first time I told myself I had to have her. She was tall and slender with beautiful eyes. I knew I had to find a way to impress her. Eventually my charm won her over, but I hurt her in that I made her do things that pricked her conscience, she nearly backslid. In the end she had to make a choice. It was either me or her Lord. She chose him and I'm glad she did."
Uncle Pat leaned back into the arm chair. He continued: "What she did hurt my ego. I was angry, but a series of things happened to me that proved to me that God is real. I told you about the car accident."
Jason nodded.
"Yes, so," uncle Pat said. "I came out of that accident unscathed, not one scratch. But then my mom became ill and passed away a few months later. Then I lost my job after that." He saw Jason's expression. "Yeah a whole bag of things happened. One night I was walking past that same church we came from and a preacher was there sharing the gospel and I listened, really listened, and decided to follow the Lord ever since then."
"One year later to the day after I surrendered to Christ I met my wife again. She had come to the church for a rally. She was surprised when she saw me, but we got to talking and I told her I was saved. She hugged me and told me she was praying that God would save me. She gave me her landline number and we called each other on the phone almost every day for a month. After that month I asked her out, she agreed and the rest is history."
Uncle Pat looked at Jason with a grave expression.
"Why am I telling you this? I'm telling you because I see that you are an ambitious young man, kind and loyal, and I know you love God. If this girl cares about you she will understand your stance, your faith, but you have to be sure of your own stance in Christ. Do you want this life or do you want to turn back? The scripture says if any man turns away from the gift of salvation there is no way to be redeemed again. It would have been better if he had not come into the faith. Also, the word also tells us that the Lord will not be pleased with such a person. Does she know you're a Christian?"
"No she does not. She just thinks I am a godly person"
Uncle Pat looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Do you know you're a Christian? A believer? Do you know this?", his voice was stern.
Jason bowed his head, then looked at Patrick. "Yes, I know in me that I am."
"Then you can't continue the way you and this young lady are doing," uncle Pat said his gaze very serious.
"I really like her." Jason said, his voice almost inaudible to uncle Pat's ears, but he heard him.
"Son, this life is temporary, but the things we do here have eternal consequences. Tell you what, do this: stay away from her for two weeks, no phone calls, don't go to see her. None of that," Patrick said.
"I work with her aunt. It's the paint job I told you about," Jason said.
"She lives there?"
"Yes."
"Hmm," uncle Pat grimaced.
He lifted the cup to his head and gulped down the last of his drink. Placing the empty glass on the table, he asked, "How many days do you have left for the job?"
"About one more. There's painting on another coating and the clean up."
"Invite her to church with you. First, you're gonna tell her who you are. That you are a believer in Jesus Christ. It's time you made your stance clear to her and to yourself. Being a Christian is not easy but it is a noble life to live. In the meantime do not touch her ... or yourself please."
Jason blushed. He nodded.
"I also want to meet her and talk with her. Get a sense of who she is."
"Okay," Jason said.
Looking Jason squarely in the eyes uncle Pat said, "Let what happened this morning be the last time you do that. If you continue you will break your vow and the Lord will not be pleased. And I will be disappointed. You took that vow because you were convinced that the Lord wanted you to. You wanted to wait until you found the right girl to settle down with and marry. Do you still believe that?"
"Yes I do."
"Well act accordingly. She may be the one, only God knows, but this is not the right way to go about it. Go home and read this for me. Read 1 Thessalonians chapter 4 verses 1-8. Read that before you see her again. Ask for some time from the job. Tell the aunt something came up. But take some time to digest those verses and make up your mind.
"The truth is, your relationship with her can't continue as it is, if it is Christ you wish to follow. It is normal to be attracted to a beautiful young lady but you have to go into a relationship wanting more than the physical. Is she compatible? Does she have the same beliefs as you or can she grow to develop them? You need to know this. Talk to her. If she decides to make a decision for Christ that will be good for her, and I will be happy for both of you but no more sexual encounters between you too, capiche?"
"Yes sir, capiche," Jason agreed.
"It has already caused you to fall. A decision has to be made. Let me pray with you." He bent his head. Jason bent his also and listened to his mentor pray for him.
Afterwards, uncle Pat offered him dinner to which he declined. He told him he had some things to think about. He would buy food on the road.
Jason returned home, removed his shoes and threw himself on the bed. He took out his phone and called Carli.
"Hey baby!", she said. "I thought you said you would call me at around 4 when you're nearby?"
Jason closed his eyes in pain. He didn't want to disappoint her. "Here's the thing, I won't be able to come by this evening. It's a family matter."
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said sounding concerned.
"Yeah. I'm sorry too."
"It's okay baby. Will you be coming to work on Monday?"
"No, maybe Wednesday," he said rubbing his eyes tiredly. He was exhausted.
"Oh," she said. He could hear her disappointment.
Jason felt like a dagger was piercing through his heart.
"I promise we'll talk when I see you okay?"
"Okay," she said. Her mood seemed to brighten a little.
Jason felt relieved.
"Okay, bye baby. See you soon." He couldn't resist calling her baby.
"Okay bye." She hung up.
Next, he called Carli's aunt. He dialled the number and heard her succinct voice answer the phone.
"Yes hello," she said.
"Miss Sandra. It's me Jason."
"Jason hello. What can I do for you?"
Jason cleared his throat. "Something's come up and I am asking for some time until Wednesday."
"Understood. I won't be here then, but I will tell my daughter and niece you will be coming by, okay?"
"Okay Miss."
"No problem." She hung up.
Jason felt better.
Jason called Omar and told him that he didn't need the car again. He asked him if he was okay, but Jason said he was good. He told him would see him Wednesday and hung up.
Placing his phone on the bed, Jason took up his Bible and looked for the verses uncle Pat referred him to. It read:
1. As for other matters, brothers and sisters, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. 2. For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus.
3. It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4. that each of you should learn to control your own body[a] in a way that is holy and honorable, 5. not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; 6. and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister.[b] The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. 7. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. 8. Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit. (NIV)
Jason sighed. Did he take advantage of Carli in this situation? It had been a long while since he had been with anyone. Was it all just lust or was there something more with her?
Yes, he desired her sexually, there was no doubt about that. She was beautiful. He thought about it. Yes, he was very much attracted to her, but deep within he felt there was more there. In his heart he wanted a real relationship with Carli. He didn't want the physical to cloud his judgement or hers. He needed time to reflect on what to do. Would he give her up if it meant he could spare her feelings from getting hurt? In a heartbeat he would. He needed to think about this further.
After about thirty minutes of sleep, he was roused by the ringing of his phone. He answered it to hear a surprising but familiar voice on the line inviting him to dinner that evening. They needed to speak with him. Jason was surprised by the invitation but agreed. They hung up and he lay back in bed musing about this interesting conversation, and the invitation.
******
Carli looked through her bedroom window. She could see part of the garden where she and Jason shared sandwiches. She was disappointed that she couldn't see him tonight but hoped his family was okay.
She lay back on the bed and thought about earlier that morning when he said all those sexy things to her. The way his voice sounded she knew he was right there in the moment with her. He told her she was beautiful and that he couldn't wait to kiss her all over her body; to ravish her from head to toe. To run his hands through her hair and caress her breasts. He was longing to taste her lips again. Carli closed her eyes as she remembered his voice on the phone. His words were like warm sensuous waves washing over her. She wished he was with her now.
"Carli! Carli! Carli!"
Her aunt's insistent calling of her name broke through her reverie. Carli sat up.
"Yes aunty?", she answered.
She heard her aunt come to the door and knock. Carli got up and opened the door. Her aunt looked in at her.
"You busy?", she asked.
She wanted to say yes, she was busy thinking about Jason. Instead she shook her head. "No aunty."
"Good. I need your help. Your cousin has to work late tonight. She may not come in until tomorrow morning. I need your help to prepare dinner. I have a guest coming over."
Carli nodded. "Let me just take a quick shower and I'll come help you."
"Okay," her aunt Sandra said. "Do make it quick."
Carli quickly picked out some clothes. She felt like wearing a pair of white jeans and a baby blue colored blouse.
Carli washed and conditioned her hair quickly, then showered using her favorite beauty bar soap. She didn't know who the guest was but she knew her aunt was a business woman. It was probably one of her clients. She wanted to make a good impression for her aunt's sake.
After she came out of the shower she applied moisturizing body cream on her damp skin. She also applied a leave-in moisturiser to her hair, nourished her scalp with tea tree oil and added a healthy dose of Wave Nouveau curl activator to her hair.
She had a spritz bottle with one part lavender oil to two parts water. She sprayed the solution copiously through her hair, then used her hands to massage it in. She learned this trick from a friend who told her that not only was lavender oil a good aromatic to calm nerves, it increased blood flow to wherever it was absorbed. She wanted her hair to grow down to her back and she was working on it. She also loved the fact that Jason seemed to like the scent. She sprayed a little on her neck and wrist, rubbed it in, and put everything back into place where she could find them again.
She hurried down stairs to see her aunt dicing some Irish potatoes that she had already peeled. Sandra handed her the knife and said, "Here, you can finish those for me."
Carli took the knife from her and started dicing up more potatoes for her. "This is a part of dinner?", she asked.
Her aunt nodded. "Yes, it is. We're having stewed pork with mashed potatoes, some roasted yam and raw shredded vegetables."
Carli smiled. This must be a client she thought to herself. Her uncle was away on a business trip and aunt Sandra didn't really have anyone to cook for. Carli would usually prepare something for herself and her cousin Melissa was hardly home because of the type of job she did. She was a counselor/psychologist working with the Jamaica Constabulary Force and other law enforcement agencies.
After Carli finished dicing the potatoes, she did as her aunt instructed and placed them in a pot full of boiling water. The yam was already roasted on a small grill outside, now she watched as her aunt used another knife to scrape the charred skin off the tuber.
"Carli will you wash and shred the veggies for me hun?", aunt Sandra asked.
"Sure aunty," Carli replied.
Her aunt had put some carrots, half a head of cabbage and some green and yellow sweet peppers in the kitchen sink for her to wash. Just then Carli remembered that Jason told her he liked peppers. She really missed him now.
She got to work washing the vegetables and then shredded them carefully.
"What time is your guest supposed to be here aunty?", Carli asked, looking at the clock on the kitchen wall nearest to the dining table.
It was 6:30 p.m.
"He should get here by 7 o'clock," she replied.
Carli nodded. "Is the pork almost ready?", she asked.
"Yup," her aunt said "Just allowing the gravy to thicken."
"Okay."
At about ten minutes to 7 o'clock, they were finished cooking and sweeping out the spills from the counter to the floor, and wiping off the counter and stove top. Carli went up stairs to wash her face and reapply some lavender to her neck and wrist. She also added a bit more deodorant to her armpits just in case.
She only wore perfume on special occasions, but she felt like it was worth it. She did two pumps out of the spray and looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. She turned on the faucet placed her hands in the running water and used her wet hands to gently comb through and tease her hair's coils. She decided to let her hair down for the occasion. She flashed her head from left to right to get a wavy, organized chaos look, teased her hair up again then went down stairs.
As she was descending the stairs she could hear her aunt talking to someone. As she got closer she realized that the voice had a deep sexy tone she was very familiar with.
Jason! What?!
She hurried down to see him. She was dumbfounded. She looked at both her aunt and Jason talking in the living room foyer. They both looked over at her and smiled.
Her aunt spoke up. "Carli since Jason has been doing such an excellent job and Monday will be our last time conversing, I thought I would invite him over for dinner. It seems he will be available for Monday after all." She looked over at him. Jason blushed. "I hope you don't mind. He had also mentioned to me that you know each other from UWI." Carli aunt's facial expression read something you never told me.
Carli smiled shyly at both of them and entered the kitchen first.
Jason looked gorgeous. He was wearing aqua blue jeans and a navy blue polo shirt. He was also wearing a pair of dark blue boots. The polo shirt showed a hint of the powerful muscles underneath. Carli felt nervous.
Her aunt followed her into the kitchen while Jason stayed in the living room.
Carli saw that her aunt was smiling mischievously at her.
"Aunty," Carli started, "What are you up to?"
Sandra laughed softly, "Nothing my dear. It's what you've been up to is the question."
Carli looked at her puzzled.
"Don't think I haven't noticed the way you look at him. Plus for the past few days you've been going out with him haven't you?" Aunt Sandra face had an amused look on it.
Carli sighed. Was she that obvious?
"Am I that obvious?", Carli asked.
Her aunt came over to her and gave her a hug. "Nothing is wrong with liking this boy. I have eyes too you know. I may be married but I am not cold and dead. If I was your age I would be hot for him too." She laughed.
Carli smiled ruefully. She did like him. He was all she was thinking about that whole day.
Her aunt put her arms around her. "Go and talk to him. I will prepare the food, when it's ready I will call you guys. Okay?"
"Okay. Thank you aunty."
Aunt Sandy kissed Carli on her forehead. "Go!" she whispered.
Carli entered the living room and looked at Jason shyly. He looked so good. The color of his shirt complemented his smooth, dark mahogany skin tone. She watched as he looked her up and down in appreciation. He stood up to greet her.
"You look really nice," he said.
She nodded. She was glad to see him but was puzzled. Didn't he say he had a family emergency?
"You said you had a family emergency?", she looked at him confused.
Jason nodded. "Yeah I said that. The truth is I lied to you." He saw her hurt expression. He hurried on, "Not to hurt you, never to hurt you, but I had to think through some things." He gestured to the couch and said, "Sit with me."
Carli sat down feeling betrayed and confused. She would listen to what he had to say, but it better made sense to her.
After adjusting himself on the couch Jason looked at her. The skin between her brows was knotted together as she looked at him. He wished he could reach over and use his thumb to smooth it out.
"There's something I never explained to you." Jason sighed heavily, his chest rising and falling dramatically as he breathed air in and out. "You know that I am a God fearing person, but I'm not just that. I'm a Christian. I've been a Christian for close to a year now. December 31 will be one year since I got baptised."
Carli blinked, stunned.
"Okay," she said.
"I should have told you before." he said in an apologetic voice.
Carli was perplexed. "So why are you telling me this now? It didn't matter before. Why are you telling me this now?"
"Because I think I'm falling for you, and I want to be with you. The thing is, by the standards of this way of life I've chosen, I can't be with anyone sexually until I'm their husband."
Carli's eyes widened in shock. "But, this morning, when we were on the phone ... you ..."
"I know. I'm sorry. I'm not very good at following the path to a 'T'. Some days I do well but other days I mess up. I also need to tell you something else."
"What is it?", Carli asked with a sense of foreboding.
"I took a vow of celibacy. Which is what I should do, I mean not have sex before marriage. I am no virgin so it is harder for me, but I felt like the Lord was leading me in that direction. It's been almost a year too. I was with someone but it didn't work out. I have been keeping this vow and trying my best to be faithful to it, but then you came along and it's all I can do to stop myself from breaking it with you."
"Well, my apologies." Carli felt a twinge of resentment towards him.
Jason noticed the change in her mood. He wanted to reach out and touch her hand but decided against it.
"Carli," he said. "I'm sorry about this ... this situation. A year ago I didn't know I would meet someone like you. The way you make me feel is so different from what I've experienced with any other girl. I don't know if I can ever go back to not having you in my life. Since I've known you, I can't imagine what life would be like without you, and I don't want to know. If it means that we remain friends, if nothing more grows between us, I can live with that, but I can't live without you in my life in some way."
Carli turned away from him and folded her arms defensively. "So why tell me this now? What do you want me to do?"
"Answer me this Carli, please." The expression in his eyes looked like he was in pain. Carli couldn't imagine why. She was so angry with him. Was she just a game to him, to see if he still could get a girl to swoon over him?
"What is it?", she hissed her eyes darting back to him angrily.
Jason sighed.
"Carli, do you believe in God?"
Carli paused. Do I believe in God? What kind of a question is that? Carli saw him waiting for a reply. She wet her dry lips with her tongue and thought about it. Why did he have to make things complicated?
She thought about the times her parents used to take her to church. The fellowship at the old church she went to, and all the times God came through for her when she needed something big to happen. She sighed. Some of the anger flowed out of her.
She looked away from him. "Yes. I believe in God," she said. "I was almost baptised once, but my mom didn't think I was ready. I've kind of drifted away from the idea of church since then."
Jason felt like his heart was going to burst. Maybe there could be a chance between them. He thought
Just then her aunt called out to her. "Carli, food is ready."
Carli looked at Jason and nodded at him. "Let's eat," she said. She got up and led them to the kitchen and dining area. Sandra made sure Jason sat beside Carli while she sat at the far end of the table. The food was nicely spread out and looked delicious.
"Let's eat," aunt Sandra said. She was about to pass around the bowl filled with mashed potatoes when Jason cleared his throat and said, "Please permit me Miss Sandra, since you've been so kind to invite me to dinner, I wanna say thank you for your generosity. I would also like to pray for this wonderful bounty of food."
Sandra was impressed. She smiled. "Okay," she said. "Go ahead."
Jason reached out for Carli's hand. Reluctantly she gave it to him. He leaned forward and extended his other hand to Carli's aunt who took it.
"Dear Lord," Jason said. "We thank you for this time of gathering together to enjoy this food you have provided for us. We are grateful for this bounty but we are also grateful for this time together as friends to fellowship, to talk, to get to know each other more. Please bless this time we have together. In Jesus name we pray. Amen"
"Amen," said Sandra.
Carli said, "Amen," and opened her eyes. When she opened them she saw Jason looking at her. His eyes, a beautiful hazel brown, stared at her with a mysterious look behind them. She looked away and started staring at her food instead.
Dinner went very well. Carli's aunt was the best host and gave a lot of anecdotal stories about her and her husband Marcus when they were younger. Carli wondered why she was sharing these stories but had to admit they were hilarious.
After they ate, Carli offered to clean up, to which her aunt Sandra agreed and asked if Jason would like to help Carli. He agreed. He could see what her aunt was doing even if Carli was clueless. Carli protested, "It's fine. It's getting late and you'll be going far."
"No, it's no trouble. I have a ride," he said.
"Will Omar be coming to pick you up?", she asked.
"No, but I have a way of getting home," he said.
"So it's settled then," Carli's aunt said. "Jason you can stick around and you guys can chat a little. Sounds like you guys have a lot to discuss." Sandra nodded at Carli and gave her the 'behave yourself look' and went up to her room.
Carli sighed. "Okay," she said.
Carli went and gathered the plates, bowls, utensils and drinking glasses, and Jason helped her.
"I soap, you rinse,' she said tersely
Jason nodded. "Okay," he replied.
Carli soaped the plates, forks and other dinner items thoroughly, then handed them to Jason who also did a good job rinsing and laying them carefully in their designated racks and drawers.
"Carli, I'm sorry," he said. "I never thought I would meet a girl like you. You took me by surprise." He paused his rinsing and watched as she angrily scrubbed a plate. "Your smile, your sense of humor; you are understanding, you are very patient and you're beautiful. Everything that I said to you this morning I meant. I really like you. All the things I said this morning are real. You are doing all those things to me." He reached down and held onto her hands stopping her from washing the dishes.
"Carli, look at me."
When she looked at him he could see that she was angry.
"I never led you on. This is not a game to me." He took her left hand and placed it on his chest. "Feel that."
Carli could feel his heart beating fast.
"What do you want from me?", she asked. Her defences broke.
"I want you to trust me," he said. "I said those things about family earlier because I went to see my mentor, who wants to meet you by the way. He wants to meet the girl who has me this weak. I'm only supposed to be with a believer like myself, and ..."
"I believe in God, Jason," Carli interrupted him. "... and I understand the whole thing about Jesus and so on, but I'm not really a Christian. My mom used to go to this church regularly, but she and someone there had a falling out. I was supposed to be baptised around the same time, but she told the pastor I wasn't ready. We went to a few churches after that but then I guess she lost interest. There was this church I went to up to 16. I used to attend their youth meetings but I lost interest after a while I guess. I haven't been to church since then," she said.
"Would it be okay if I shared my faith in God with you?" Jason asked. His eyes were so sincere.
Carli smiled up at him. "Sure. I am willing to listen."
"Great!" Jason said. He felt like he could do a dance but decided not to. It would be too embarrassing.
"I would dance right now but it would be too embarrassing," he said revealing his thoughts.
Carli laughed. "I think I would want to see that," she said.
He smiled at her.
She had a question at the back of her mind that made her pause.
"Jason?", she said.
"Yes Carli," he replied.
"Your celibacy, does it mean I can't kiss you, or touch you, or anything like that?"
Jason leaned against the sink. "Yeah. I'm not supposed to do none of that. I shouldn't have kissed you or touched you the way I did. I'm not sorry I did it because of how I feel about you, but I can't do that anymore."
"Where does that leave us?"
"I can hold your hands but I can't touch you with the intention of initiating something sexual between us. I don't know to be honest. I know what I feel about you. I want to be with you. I want to date you. See where this leads us, just not having sex. I want us to talk to my uncle. Well, he's not my real uncle but he's a mentor to me. I think he can help us find clarity. He's gonna be mad at me though. He was the one who told me to put some space between us."
"And you would have if my aunt hadn't called," Carly said matter of factly.
"Maybe, but I think this was supposed to happen, me coming to have dinner."
"You mean divine providence?" Carli asked amused.
"Yeah. Like that," Jason said smiling at her.
He reached over to her. "Give me a hug," he said.
She went into his arms. He got a whiff of her scent and was blown away at how nice she smelt.
"That cologne you're wearing. What is it called?" he asked.
Carli chuckled. "It's actually lavender oil mixed with water."
"Oh," Jason smiled. "Well it smells really good on you."
He breathed in her smell again and smiled. "I think this scent is imprinted in my memory. Whenever I smell it, I will probably think of you." He released her.
"Let's finish up these," he said referring to the pots and pans that were left over.
After they finished cleaning up, they chatted for a while. Carli agreed to meet Mr Blake and attend a few church services with Jason, if even out of curiosity. Afterwards, when he was about to leave, Jason reached out to hug her and she reciprocated. She walked him to the door. He knelt forward and kissed her on her forehead. Her eyes closed momentarily when she felt his lips make contact with her skin. An unspoken message passed between them and he touched her face.
"Good night, beautiful," he said.
"Good night."
He turned and walked away. She saw him enter a car parked out front and realized that he was going into Omar's vehicle. He can drive? What?! Carli thought. She watched as Jason grinned after seeing her shocked expression.
"See you Monday," he shouted and drove off.
Carli closed the front door and leaned on it. This was so complicated. She thought. She liked him, but this new thing he sprang on her had her confused. What was she supposed to do now?
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